Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Our Infertility Story

I HATE using the the word infertility.  
Even though that was the diagnosis, straight from the doctors mouth.  
I just feel like compared to so many other couples, we were the lucky ones.  
You hear stories about couples battling infertility for years and years.  
My heart literally aches for them every day.
We tried to conceive for 18 months.  
Don't get me wrong, those were the absolute hardest 18 months of my life so far.  
Each month began with hope, looking up due dates, convincing myself that this month was THE month.  
Then the month would come to an end with disappointment, tears, and a feeling that we were never going to have our sweet baby.  

Our Infertility Story began the summer of 2011.
Charlie and I decided that we were "ready" (whatever that may mean) to start a family.
We threw away the medicine and I began the research.
I knew that it may take a couple of months but that it should happen within 6 months.
6 months came and went, I started to feel like something was wrong.
I read where you were supposed to wait a year until seeking medical advice.
So another 6 months passed by with no luck at all.
Finally I was able to make the appointment with my OBGYN.
I told her how long it was taking and that I was concerned.
I am so thankful for her, she understood my concern, sympathized with me and ordered tests immediately.
I had a ton of blood work done and was told to come back in a couple of weeks to go over the results together.
The results came back normal, except for my thyroid.
She said that I had Hypothyroidism and got me in with a doctor that was no longer taking patients.
I think she understood that I needed that support from a doctor and she scheduled another appointment to go over the specialists recommendations and the next steps to take.
I began taking synthroid to level out my thyroid.

The next doctors appointment I had with her she scheduled a test called a HSG.
This is an outpatient procedure where dye is inserted into your fallopian tubes to make sure there are no blockages.
My OBGYN performed it, along with a radiologist.
Thankfully, you find out right away if the test is successful or not by watching the screen to see if the dye moves through the fallopian tubes without being blocked.
This test has to be performed on certain days and mine just happened to fall on the day my mom and I were throwing a baby shower for my cousin.
Also you are prescribed pain and anxiety medicine for this test so I was a little loopy all day!
Charlie and I decided not to tell our family yet that we were struggling with infertility because we didn't want to worry them until we had a better diagnosis.
This day was one of the hardest days of the journey.
Sitting in the waiting room I was checking my email and found out that yet another friend was expecting a baby.
I then went through the rather painful procedure and had to go straight to a baby shower at my own house and act like everything was just fine.
It was tuff.
My tubes were not blocked and she said everything looked great, so back to the drawing board we went.
Charlie was then ordered to do a test which came back normal as well.
I then knew it was all my fault.
I felt such guilt for not being able to provide a family for my husband.
We both wanted a baby so bad, but I was the one who couldn't make that wish come true.

The doctor suggested I get my thyroid straightened out before starting fertility drugs such as clomid.  
Our insurance didn't cover any infertility treatments, procedures or doctors visits and we had already spent a TON of money.
Clomid is expensive and you have to go in for multiple ultrasounds which can add up.
I would have happily paid for it if i knew for sure it would help, but the doctor didn't want to cover up my thyroid problem as that could be what is causing all of this.  
I agreed.
The issue with having a thyroid problem is that it takes 2 months to know if your new dose of medicine works.
So a couple of months passed and my thyroid still wasn't perfect.
A couple more passed and still not perfect.
Finally my OB changed the prescription the specialist gave me to a more aggressive dose.
She said that if this doesn't work in 3 months we will begin clomid.

2 months passed and I got that BFP I had been waiting for.
It was the greatest moment of my life.

It was Januaru 3rd.
Charlie and I had just come back from a (super late) Christmas Party for his work.
I made him stop at the grocery to get another pregnancy test that I knew would come back negative but i just had to check, immediately.
I had taken so many pregnancy tests but when I was waiting for the results to show up I turned it over because I was too nervous to stare at it for the 3 minutes it takes to give you results.
I called charlie in the bathroom and told him he had to turn it over, that I know its negative and I just can't see that one line right now without going insane.
He turned it over and said, "What does it mean if its 2 lines?"
I FLIPPED OUT. Literally.
At first I said no (just like when he proposed to me).
Then he showed it to me and it was a true positive.  
TWO bright pink lines. 
No squinting, thinking you might see a faint 2nd line.  
There were definitely two lines there staring back at me.
I could not believe it.
We sat on the bed and just stared at it not really believing that this was actually happening.
Then the tears started pouring.
It will always be one of the happiest moments of my life.

Just one month before we started the fertility treatments, we found out my thyroid was probably what was causing the problem.
I am so thankful that my OBGYN decided to be aggressive with my thyroid dose.

I am now 33 weeks pregnant and expecting a sweet little baby on September 15th.  
Just one day before her daddy's birthday.


  1. Aww, your story brought tears to my eyes. So happy for you two! You looked great the other night! (Okay, now that I re-read that I sound like a creepy guy... but you get what I mean.) :-)

  2. Jessica! Omgoodnes! I wish I would have know you were struggling with this! I was told I would literally NEVER be able to have children. John and I even discussed what that meant as far as adoption and treatments as a part of pre-marital counseling! Now here we are 15 weeks preggo! Surprise! I just got into a medical school PA program though, so the timing is a little, well, off, but I am deferring for a year and we are both SUPER excited! You will have to pass down all your baby wisdom to us. We were in shock for the first 15--ok, we are still in shock! Its getting to be more real though! I take care of babies every day at the hospital, but this just seems sooooo intense, especially when we always thought we would have to adopt!